


I Should Tell You

by excessiveshipping



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Periods, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, awkward and soft Hansi, binding, having a boyfriend, just a trans boy living, trans hanschen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/excessiveshipping/pseuds/excessiveshipping
Summary: Just Hanschen being casually anxious about his transness in regards to his new possibly boyfriend he's maybe dating and Ernst telling him he's stupid





	I Should Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as a sort of sequel to my last oneshot A Feeling that I Can't Fight but I didn't feel like making it a mythical verse so basically they have a backstory similar to that of that fic and this takes place after they've had just a couple dates. Also for the texting  
> Hanschen is italics  
> And Ernst is bold

_Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh_

**what’s wrong?**

_Ugghhhgghfghghghhghhhhhhhhhhh_

**are you alright love??**

_Fucking dandy my insides are eating me and none of my “friends” seem to care_

**uh should I be concerned? what’s wrong?**

_Fuck._

_Haha_

_Whoops_

_Uhhhhh so wow I’m shocked I hadn’t mentioned it yet we’ve been dating well not dating I don’t want to presume anything but we’ve known each other for over a week it normally comes up the first encounter I’m very open_

**Open about what??**

_I’m trans_

**Ahhhhh do you want me to come over? I have ice cream in my freezer I could bring it might be a few weeks old tho…**

_Don’t hate me_

_I_ _gnore that ur message was longer than anticipated. Ha. Blatantly out for seven years you’d think I’d be over coming out by now_

_Oh and you don’t have to come over I’m just whiney cuz crampssss_

**Don’t you worry your pretty little head you’re a wonderful trans boy I could never hate you. Oh and you’re ok with pretty right? I use it neutrally a lot**

_Uh yeah that’s fine (*^^*)_

**You’re adorable**

_(*^^*)(*^^*)(*^^*)(*^^*)_

**Oh and to answer your earlier question amidst our three conversations at once yes we’re dating I mean if you want**

_Yeah yeah that sounds cool…_

**Sometimes your suaveness amazes me :P**

_Shut up…._

**So I’ll be over in thirty minutes btw I’m just gonna stop for some not expired ice cream**

_I said you didn’t have to come!!_

**I don’t care!!**

*****************

While Hanschen was happy to have had their conversation to clear things up he kinda wished Ernst wasn’t so nice. He was coming all the way over here with ice cream nonetheless and Hanschen couldn’t even muster up the effort to put on his fucking binder. He was curled up in a ball on the couch not really watching the lame sitcom that he totally hadn’t seen every episode of. His phone buzzed from the floor where he dropped it and he groaned, annoyed at having to move.

**Mint chip or caramel swirl?**

_You! Don’t! Need! To!_

**Shut! Up! Cmon which?**

_…….caramel_

This boy was far too sweet and Hanschen didn’t know if he could take it. He finally felt motivated to stand and walk into his bedroom. He knew in the long run once he put on a binder he’d feel better, despite his suffering, but the energy to put it on seemed just a bit too much. Even his favorite olive green tri top was entirely unappealing and he ended up just staring at it lying on his bed until the sound of the doorbell startled him.

Crap should he just put it on really quick? Or just answer the door and say he’ll be right back? He was almost never around people when he wasn’t binding at least with a sports bra except Wendla and Ilse. They had only known each other for just a few days and Ernst only just found he was trans, he might not be comfortable with that. To be honest Hanschen didn’t feel he’d be dysphoric around Ernst without a binder but he really didn’t know how the other boy would react, even very accepting people were weird sometimes when faced with the reality of trans stuff.

“Uhhh Hanschen?? Are you there?” he heard Ernst yell from outside the door. Fuck he needed to just let him in. He ran over to the door, tripping slightly and accidentally banging directly into it.

“Fuck” he grunted as he opened the door to see Ernst armed with a grocery bag of ice cream.

“Are you alright? I didn’t interrupt anything right?” Ernst said sounded a little worried.

“I’m fine, it’s fine I just uhhh ran into the door a little…” Ernst at least attempted to mask his giggles and Hanschen appreciated the effort. “Uh c’mon in.”

Ernst took a look around the apartment and Hanschen started to feel a little insecure about the scattered state of everything and also very aware that the shirt he was wearing didn’t fully mask his chest. “I like it. Very college-student chic” Ernst said with a smile, looking back towards Hanschen. “Thanks, honestly it’s all Wendla. Without her I’d live in an empty white room and Ilse would be on extreme hoarders buried in papers.”

“Glad she brings some color into your life.” Hanschen couldn’t stand this adorably sweet boy! Ernst took a step towards him and reached out for a soft kiss. Hanschen returned it before pulling away quickly, remembering his chest.

“Are you sure you’re alright Hansi?” Ernst asked, concerned tone back in his voice. Hanschen sighed, realizing Ernst wasn’t gonna brush this off and he honestly didn’t think he could pry himself away from Ernst’s side to “fix” his problem.

“I'm fine. I just… am not binding… and I don't want you..my chest I don't know.” Well that was clear. He stood hunched over slightly feeling even more conscious now that he had mentioned it. His head dropped to the floor along with the slouch.

A gentle hand took his chin and raised it to look into Ernst’s eyes. “I’m not bothered in the slightest but go ahead and put it on if you like. I could make us some bowls of ice cream while I wait.”

Hanschen stood transfixed in Ernst’s eyes. Sure, he has had great friends who love him for who he is, even several partners who didn't make a big deal, but Ernst just had a way of speaking that put him so much at ease. He felt as if he could instantly revert back to pre-transition him who was so closed off and Ernst’s words could still make him feel safe and at home. He felt the slight burn behind his eyes that signalled where he’d probably cry if it weren’t for testosterone. Although Hanschen often puts up a slightly detached front at times one of the only things he missed from being pre-T was being able to cry more easily.

“While I don’t mind this soul staring, you are alright, right love?” Ernst asked as he could see Hanschen’s face aflux with emotions.

“You really don’t mind if I don’t? I know you just found out and it might be kinda weird but putting them on is a lot of effort.”

“It’ll take more than flesh lumps to scare me off” Ernst said, giving a reassuring smile. Hanschen was a bit done with the emotional journey he was experiencing and immediately tackled Ernst with a hug. “Wow so it really is true that people on their periods are overly emotional” Ernst joked.

“Oh fuck off” Hanschen said pushing away and revealing a couple tears rolling down his cheeks. “You try continuously bleeding on the same day you gain and come out to a boyfriend. Dickhead.” The irritation of the statements was slightly lessened by the dorky smile across his face and the tears that continued to occasionally fall down his cheeks.

“Alright, alright. Point taken. I’ll make the ice cream you sit.”

Several minutes later Hanschen was laid out on his side with his head on Ernst’s lap, him stroking his hair. They were watching more of the crap sitcom Hanschen again hasn’t watched multiple times over. Hanschen was feeling immensely comfortable, with his cramps having settled mostly but his patience was beginning to be tested. Several times he could hear Ernst open his mouth to speak before immediately closing again. Honestly The Cis need to realize they can ask questions, it’s fine.

Hanschen turned in his lap to face his boyfriend. “Ernst if you don’t ask me whatever you’re thinking I might just force you to watch a heterosexual rom-com. Don’t doubt me on that I- Ilse has like thirty of them.”

“Anything but the heteros!” Ernst said with mock terror. “Ok. I mean I have a few questions but I don’t wanna bother you…”

“Hasn’t Melchior told you? I’m extraordinarily self-centered, could talk about myself for hours” Hanschen said, desperately trying to show the conversation didn’t have to be serious.

“Ok well. I mean I don’t know a ton about trans stuff but… I guess how do you identify exactly?”

“Not bad first question, very out of binary inclusive which is good because fuck binaries. I’m a trans boy or guy, I’m not like aggressively man but certainly very transmasculine aligned. You understand those terms, yeah?”

“Yeah I know a few enbies so I’m versed enough in terms. Wait earlier you said you’d been out for what seven years? That means you were uhhhhh 21 minus 7…”

“It’s 14 before your art major brain dribbles onto the floor.” Ernst scrunched up his nose at him and Hanschen just smiled. “Yeah I came out fully right before freshman year and actually attempted to be majorly stealth. Thought it might help with the transition for the conservative parents that only really ever noticed drastic changes when it came to their child.” Ernst reached out to hold Hanschen’s hand, in calm way that felt less as a need to comfort and more just a want to be touching. He still wasn’t accustomed to the casual affection that didn’t align with the years he was discussing where he threw himself into toxic masculinity in order to receive any sort of validation. It gave a nice contrast.

“Lived like that for a year before realizing pretending to be one of the guys sucks ass, I joined the GSA and met Wendla and Ilse, who were ‘just friends’ at that point, and I’ve been this queer asshat ever since.”

“Nice to meet you queer asshat” Ernst said. “That really is awesome you’ve been out for so long, I have only been openly bi since the start of college and even that was hard. I can’t imagine doing it doubly throughout high school.”

“Eh you always encounter the occasional dipshit but when you’ve got a surprisingly good jawline pre-T and a Wendla Bergman on your side most don’t notice or don’t dare.”

“Ok the jawline I see and appreciate but from the one time I’ve met her I kinda got the impression that Wendla couldn’t scare a moth.”

“She has this strange superpower where she’s so nice to you’re terrified. Just trust me don’t get on her bad side.” Hanschen couldn’t help but feel a bit fond of the memories of tiny Wendla confronting bigoted shits and somehow walking away without a scratch.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Ernst again started to speak before cutting himself off. “Tell what’s off limits?”

“I’m pretty open just don’t ask for details about the downstairs and I’m all good.”

“Ok. Well you said pre-T are you on T?” Ernst asked, trying to act casual but seeming a little nervous to offend.

“Oh don’t you worry I will gladly talk about hormones for days on end. Yeah I’ve been on T for about a year so my voice is dropped mostly and I no longer look like a twelve year old.”

“What about the spectacular jawline? It didn’t give you any age points?” Ernst asked, now relaxed again.

“I was tiny, had no sense of style, had basically a bowl cut for a significant amount of the time, and my voice was like a chipmunk. Any advantages I gained in jawline were subtract by my own cringeyness.”

“You sound like an adorable twelve year old though.”

“I was basically a scene kid, you really don’t wanna see that.” Hanschen could only cringe at the memories of how he forced himself to dress to look “like a boy” back then.

“I don’t know, I’m sure Ilse would be more than happy to send me pictures…”

“The hetero rom-coms are still a threat.”

“Admit that they’re yours and I won’t go looking.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about” Hanschen said, looking a bit too guilty.

“Suuure. How are you feeling by the way? Do need anything?”

“I’m alright, the worst of the pains are over and I’ve had much worse. I unfortunately wasn’t one of the lucky bastards that got rid of fucking shark week with testosterone, but it did at least lessen the intensity of them. I used have to basically shut myself in a dark room for the first day. I’m pretty sure I actually hissed at Wendla once for opening the curtains.”

“Ok vampire” Ernst said teasingly. He leaned down for a quick kiss before realizing how horrific the angle they were in was. Hanschen started to sit up in order to get better access but was pressed back down. “Dont sit up for me, stay comfortable.”

“I’m fine you goof. Really I was just whiney earlier, kinda known for being a bit of a dramatic. Also I wasn’t sitting up for you.” Hanschen successfully sat up this time and turned to kiss his boyfriend deeply. They melted together, scooching down so Hanschen was laying on top of Ernst all while staying connected.

“Hey you know, it’s getting late” Hanschen said, speaking intermittently between kisses.

“It’s ten thirty?”

“Shhhhh.” Hanschen leaned down again for another kiss. “I’m tired and in pain I think the only possible solution is you stay.”

“Well if you’re so tired we should probably stop kissing” Ernst said teasing while turning his lips away for Hanschen’s. The boy turned instead to kiss softly at the others jaw.

“Shut up and tell if you’ll stay,” Hanschen said, sounding far more whiny than he intended.

“I mean I guess if you insist,” Ernst replied smiling up at his boyfriend.

A while later after an undetermined amount of kisses the two boys lay in Hanschen’s bed, with Ernst’s head on Hanschen’s chest. “Hey Hansi” Ernst said.

“What?” Hanschen asked sleepily.

“Your chest is really comfy.”

“Go to sleep” Ernst giggled.

“They’re like pillows though”

“Go the fuck to sleep.”

“Fine. Night.”

“Goodnight.” Hanschen smiled down at the dark-haired boy wrapped around him like a sloth and found himself hoping for so many more nights like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I love fulfilling my duty in spreading my dweeby trans son. Leave kudos or a comment if you like and follow my tumblr queer-and-trashy.tumblr.com for content that's occasionally musicals and very often trans-related.


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